Nő, asszony or hölgy: which Hungarian word for "woman" should you use?

The word for "woman" is nő: it fits any adult woman, whatever her age or marital status, and it is never wrong. Asszony is narrower than its dictionary translation "woman": it means a married, divorced or widowed woman, and with the article, az asszony, it is colloquial for "the wife". Hölgy is "lady", the formal and polite word, as in Hölgyeim és uraim! ("Ladies and gentlemen!").

The rule: nő by default

Wiktionary lists nő, asszony and hölgy as synonyms, which is where the confusion starts. They overlap only in part. Each has a job the others cannot do:

• nő = woman. The neutral word, the opposite of férfi ("man"). Use it for statements, descriptions and categories: egy fiatal nő, a nők és a férfiak.
• asszony = a woman who is or has been married. Wiktionary's first sense is "a married or divorced woman or a widow". Its plain "woman" sense, applied to unmarried women, is labelled archaic.
• hölgy = lady. Labelled formal. It is the polite word, and its partner is úr ("gentleman").

• Az a nő a szomszédom. That woman is my neighbour.
• Egy idős asszony ült a padon. An old woman was sitting on the bench. (a woman of an age to have married)
• A hölgy már fizetett. The lady has already paid.

So the dictionary translation "asszony = woman" is the one to distrust. It survives because older texts use asszony that way and because synonym lists put the three words side by side, but for a woman whose marital status you do not know, nő is the word.

Every word for a woman in one table

The meanings and register labels come from the Wiktionary entry for each word. The last column says where the word stops fitting.

Two rows settle most learner questions. "His girlfriend" and "his wife" both grow from nő, but in different forms: nője is the girlfriend or lover, neje is the wife. And there are three ways to say "madam", which differ in what they assume (see hölgy below).

Nő: the neutral word

Nő is inherited from Proto-Uralic *niŋä, "woman". It is a front-vowel word and takes front endings: nőnek, nővel, nők (see vowel harmony). Wiktionary gives it three senses.

Woman

The main sense, with férfi as its antonym. It is the word for neutral description: női mosdó (women's toilets), női divat (ladies' fashion), egy magas nő (a tall woman).

Girlfriend, with a possessive

Add a possessive suffix and nő becomes, informally, "female partner or lover, mistress, girlfriend": a nőm ("my girlfriend", "my woman"), a nője ("his girlfriend"). Wiktionary gives barátnő, szerető and partner as synonyms. Barátnő is the safer word, but it also means a female friend, so context decides; szerető is "lover, mistress".

Wife: archaic, except in neje

The old sense "wife" survives in the phrase nőül vesz ("to marry [a woman]") and, frozen, in neje, "his wife", which Wiktionary explains as an earlier stem of nő plus the possessive -e. That is why neje and nője are different words: one is a fossil of the "wife" sense, the other a regular possessive of the "partner" sense.

Words built on nő

• nős married (of a man; literally "having a woman")
• nőtlen unmarried (of a man; nő + -tlen, "without")
• női, nőies women's, female / womanly, feminine
• nővér older sister; also a nurse, and a religious sister

For a woman the words are different: férjezett (married, from férj, "husband") and hajadon (unmarried).

Asszony: married woman, wife, and lady of the house

Asszony goes back through Old Hungarian to Alanic, and Wiktionary gives it five senses:

1. a married or divorced woman, or a widow;
2. (archaic, of unmarried women) woman;
3. (often colloquial, with the definite article) woman, wife;
4. (formal) lady, mistress: a woman of authority, as in a ház asszonya, "the lady of the house";
5. with a first-person possessive, a term of address: asszonyom, "madam".

Sense 3 is the one learners hear and misread. A man who says Megkérdezem az asszonyt means "I'll ask the wife", not "I'll ask the woman". Wiktionary's citation is from Mór Jókai's 1854 novel Egy magyar nábob, where a husband's grand plans end A többi az asszony gondja: "The rest is the wife's worry."

Sense 4 is the root of asszony in titles of office. The address elnök asszony ("Madam President") pairs with elnök úr, and how such titles work is on the names and titles page.

The compounds

In compounds, the meaning is the compound's own, and each has to be learned as a word.

• menyasszony fiancée; bride (meny + asszony)
• háziasszony housewife; hostess; landlady
• kisasszony miss, young lady (formal)
• öregasszony, fiatalasszony old woman, young lady
• üzletasszony businesswoman

Kisasszony is kis + asszony, but it has nothing to do with size, as the kis or kicsi page notes. Spelling: the long sz is written ssz, and the word divides asz-szony.

Hölgy: the polite "lady"

Hölgy is labelled formal in both of its living senses: "lady" and, with -em, "madam" as a term of address. It is the counterpart of úr, which is why the two appear together in Hölgyeim és uraim!, "Ladies and gentlemen!", used to address an audience.

• Hölgyeim és uraim, kezdünk! Ladies and gentlemen, we are starting!
• Mit parancsol a hölgy? What would the lady like? (a waiter, formal third person)
• Egy idősebb hölgy kereste. An elderly lady was looking for you.

The last example uses the "absolute" comparative: egy idősebb hölgy is "an elderly lady", not "an older lady" than someone in particular (see comparatives).

Hölgyem, asszonyom or kisasszony?

All three mean "madam" or "miss" in direct address, and Wiktionary arranges them as a family: hölgyem is the general polite form for a lady, with asszonyom "chiefly for a married woman" and kisasszony "for an unmarried woman" beneath it. That gives a simple choice. Hölgyem is the one that makes no assumption about marriage, so it is the safe default when you do not know the woman. The address forms go with formal verbs (Segíthetek, hölgyem? Mit parancsol?), explained on the formal and informal "you" page.

A curiosity: Wiktionary records a third, obsolete sense of hölgy, "weasel".

"Wife": feleség, neje and the marriage verbs

The standard word is feleség: a feleségem (my wife), Péter felesége (Péter's wife). It is built from fél, "half", plus -ség, and is recorded from about 1405, so the word for "wife" is literally built on "half".

• neje already contains "his/her", so it needs no possessive ending: Kovács úr és neje ("Mr Kovács and his wife"). Wiktionary: if the possessive is not wanted, use feleség. The back-formed bare noun nej is labelled proscribed.
• az asszony is the colloquial "the wife", above.
• Marrying is gendered: a man feleségül vesz a woman (accusative: Feleségül vette a régi barátnőjét, "He married his old girlfriend"); a woman feleségül megy or férjhez megy to a man, with -hoz/-hez/-höz (Feleségül ment a régi barátjához, "She married her old boyfriend"). That ending is the "to a person" case from the proximity cases.

-né and -nő: "Mrs" and the female job titles

Both suffixes come from the same word. Wiktionary, following Zaicz's etymological dictionary, derives -né from an earlier né variant of nő or of its possessive neje, "wife of". -nő is simply nő in compounds.

-né: "Mrs, wife of"

Kovácsné is "Mrs Kovács"; the full married-name system (Kovács Jánosné, Kovácsné Tóth Anna) is on the names and titles page. The spelling details:

• Kovács Béla → Kovács Béláné final a becomes á
• Fekete → Feketéné final e becomes é
• Mann → Mann-né a name ending in double n takes a hyphen
• Jánosnéval, Szabónéval a back-vowel name normally keeps back endings after -né

-nő: the woman in the role

Wiktionary lists about sixty compounds ending in -nő, among them tanárnő (woman teacher), doktornő or orvosnő (woman doctor), színésznő (actress), titkárnő (secretary), barátnő (girlfriend) and királynő (queen). As titles they stand where a man's title has úr: tanár úr but tanárnő, doktor úr but doktornő.

The clearest pair shows the two suffixes side by side. Királynő is a queen regnant, "a female monarch who reigns in her own right"; királyné is a queen consort, "the wife of a reigning king". The -nő is the woman herself, the -né is someone's wife.

Néni and lány: age, not register

Néni ("aunt") is a form of address for an older woman, "especially by children or in case of great age difference": Olga néni, Kovács néni, doktor néni ("(lady) doctor"). Wiktionary adds a usage note that it "may sound patronizing when used by adults (e.g. by a doctor to address his/her patient)". To a child, every adult woman is a néni; between adults, stick to nő, hölgy or a name.

Lány is "girl", and with a possessive "daughter": a lányom, "my daughter". The older form leány is literary or dated. The pair is lány and fiú, as nő and férfi.

Where the distinctions stop

• For a married adult woman, all three fit. Wiktionary lists nő, asszony and hölgy as synonyms of each other, and for a woman who is married, any of them is correct. The choice then only changes the tone: neutral, traditional or polite.
• In compounds, the choice is made for you. Üzletasszony and háziasszony are fixed words, as are barátnő and tanárnő. You cannot swap -asszony and -nő in them.
• Néni is not your aunt. Wiktionary marks the family sense "aunt" as dated; a parent's sister is a nagynéni.

Common learner errors

1. Calling a young, unmarried woman asszony. Use nő, or hölgy to be polite.
2. Saying a nője for "his wife". That is his girlfriend or lover. "His wife" is a felesége or a neje.
3. Calling a woman nőstény. It means a female animal, and Wiktionary labels it offensive when said of a woman.
4. Mixing up királynő and királyné. Queen regnant vs queen consort.
5. Using néni to an adult who is not much older. It marks age and can sound patronizing.

Sources and further reading

• Wiktionary, "nő", "neje" and "nej" (Hungarian): senses, possessive usage note, etymology (Proto-Uralic, after Zaicz 2006), compounds
• Wiktionary, "asszony" and "asszonyom" (Hungarian): five senses, the Jókai citation, compounds
• Wiktionary, "hölgy", "hölgyem" and "hölgyeim és uraim" (Hungarian)
• Wiktionary, "-né" (Hungarian): etymology after Zaicz 2006, spelling notes after A magyar helyesírás szabályai (2015), section 93
• Wiktionary, Hungarian entries "feleség", "néni", "lány", "királynő", "királyné", "kisasszony", "menyasszony", "háziasszony", "feleségül vesz", "feleségül megy", "nős", "nőstény"

Frequently asked questions