Elnézést or bocsánat: how do you say "sorry" and "excuse me" in Hungarian?

Say Elnézést! to a stranger, to someone above you, and when you want someone's attention: Elnézést, hol van a pályaudvar? Say Bocsánat!, or the informal Bocs!, to people you are close to. In the studies behind this page, the relationship decides the word, not the size of the mistake. For a bigger mistake you add words: Ne haragudj! ("don't be angry"), Nagyon sajnálom ("I'm very sorry"), and an offer to put it right.

What each word means

English has "sorry", "excuse me" and "I apologize". Hungarian has more words, and each one means something a little different when you take it apart. Here they are, with the literal meaning first.

• elnézést = "leniency, forgiveness". It is the accusative of elnézés, from the verb elnéz. That verb means "look away", and also "overlook, excuse, forgive" (Wiktionary). So Elnézést! is short for "(I ask for your) leniency".
• bocsánat = "pardon, forgiveness". Wiktionary glosses the interjection as "sorry, pardon" and lists elnézést as a synonym.
• bocs, bocsi, bocsika, bocsesz: short, friendly forms of bocsánat. Wiktionary labels bocs colloquial and bocsi informal.
• ne haragudj = "don't be angry". It is the negative command of haragszik, "to be angry". To someone you call Ön, it is ne haragudjon.
• bocsáss meg = "forgive (me)". It is the command form of megbocsát, "to forgive". The Ön form is bocsásson meg.
• sajnálom = "I regret it", "I feel sorry about it". It comes from sajnál, which Wiktionary glosses "to regret" and also "to feel pity".

Two more forms use a verb that does what it says. Bocsánatot kérek means "I ask for pardon", and elnézést kérek means "I ask for leniency". Saying the sentence is the apology itself, like English "I apologize". Linguists call a verb like this a performative.

The studies below use one more term: a direct apology formula. This is a fixed phrase whose job is to say sorry. Every word in the list above is one. "I forgot" or "the bus was late" is not, even when it is part of an apology.

The rule: how close are you?

Two open-access studies give the same answer. The first is Katalin Szili's 2003 study in Magyar Nyelvőr. She gave a written questionnaire to 120 university students. They wrote what they would say in seven situations, one of them in three versions. The second is Mika Waseda's 2020 paper, which reports a questionnaire by one of her students in Osaka.

Waseda's respondents put it plainly. Bocsánat is typical in closer, more intimate relationships, and when the harm done is not too big. Elnézést belongs to more formal relationships. Her examples are speaking to someone of higher status, or to an unknown foreigner in the street.

Szili's data point the same way. In her study, elnézést kérek and plain elnézést were used mostly where there was social distance or a gap in status. Those situations were a waiter and a guest, someone late for a job interview, and a boss late for a meeting. Bocsánatot kérek and bocsánat were more frequent where the relationship was closer. Those were a promise broken to a teenager next door, a friend kept waiting, and a vase broken at a friend's home. The short forms bocs, bocsi, bocsika and bocsesz, Szili writes, show how light and familiar bocsánat is.

Why "bocsánat is for bigger mistakes" persists

Some phrasebooks teach a different rule. The HungarianPod101 survival lesson says elnézést is for minor harm to a stranger. It says bocsánat is for more serious harm, "or you did it to a friend". The second half matches both studies. The first half does not. Neither study places bocsánat above elnézést in strength. Waseda's respondents link bocsánat with harm that is not too big.

What a bigger mistake changes is how much you say. In Szili's study, sajnálom appeared mainly in the more critical situations, where the harm was greater. Speakers strengthened it with words like nagyon and rettenetesen ("very", "terribly"). Her typical answers for the scratched car and the broken vase both end with an offer to repair the damage. Her rarest and strongest group, expressions of shame such as nagyon szégyellem magam ("I'm very ashamed"), came up in two places. One was the vase broken at a friend's home. The other was being late to the interview with a future boss. So stay with the word that fits the person, and build up the apology around it.

Worked example: one Saturday, five sorries

Here is how the rule plays out in a single day. Suppose you spend a Saturday in Budapest. You are meeting your friend Anna, whom you call te. Everyone else you meet is a stranger. Walk through the day one moment at a time.

1. On the tram, you bump into a man. He is a stranger, and the harm is tiny. The word is Elnézést! This is the very case the HungarianPod101 lesson gives for it.
2. You get off and need directions. You stop a woman in the street. Again the word is elnézést, now as "excuse me" before a question: Elnézést, hol van a Nyugati pályaudvar?
3. You reach Anna twenty minutes late. She is a friend, so elnézést would sound stiff. Szili's typical answer for this situation joins a request with an excuse: Ne haragudj, de későn indultam, meg dugóba is kerültem ("Don't be angry, I left late and got stuck in traffic too"). A shorter version from the same study is Bocs, de késett a busz ("Sorry, the bus was late").
4. At Anna's flat, you knock over a vase and it breaks. She is still a friend, but now the harm is real. You do not switch to a "bigger" word. You say more. Szili's typical answer for this situation runs: Ne haragudj! Hogy én milyen ügyetlen vagyok! Hogyan tehetném jóvá? ("Don't be angry! How clumsy I am! How can I make it up to you?")
5. On the way home, the bus driver waits for you as you run. He has done you a favour. That calls for thanks, not an apology: Köszönöm! Waseda says a Hungarian speaker would never use Elnézést here.

Five moments give four kinds of answer. One question picks each of them: who is this person to me, and did I harm them or did they do me a favour?

Which form, when: the decision table

This table walks the rulings on this page into rows. The last column names the source of each ruling. Where a form changes between te and Ön, both are given.

The rows on interrupting, mishearing and bereavement are explained in the sections below.

Elnézést: strangers, status and "excuse me"

Elnézést covers both English "sorry" and "excuse me". As an apology, it takes the thing you are sorry for in -ért, the "for" case. It can also take a hogy clause. Wiktionary's examples:

• Elnézést a késésért! Sorry for being late.
• Elnézést, hogy megvárakoztattalak. I'm sorry for keeping you waiting.

As "excuse me", it opens a question to a stranger. The HungarianPod101 lesson lists the uses: asking for directions, getting someone's attention in a shop, and working your way through a crowd. Waseda gives the shop case too, when she compares Japanese sumimasen with "Hungarian Elnézést!".

Notice that elnézést has no te form and no Ön form. It is a noun, so it does not change with the person. Wiktionary's second example even pairs it with a te verb, megvárakoztattalak. The formality is in choosing the word, not in its ending. That makes it the safe default with anyone you would call Ön, as the formal and informal "you" page explains.

Bocsánat and bocs: friends and small mistakes

Bocsánat works the same way in a sentence. Wiktionary's example uses the same -ért ending, which the minor cases page lists under "reason, cause":

• Bocsánat a késésért! Sorry to be late.
• Bocs, hogy megkérdeztem. Sorry I asked.

The short forms are where the friendliness shows. Szili lists bocs, bocsi, bocsika and bocsesz. She notes that it was mostly the younger respondents in her wider survey who used them. Bocs and bocsi are the ones you will hear daily. Keep all four for people you call te.

Ne haragudj and bocsáss meg: "don't be angry", "forgive me"

Szili sorts these two into one group, the request for forgiveness. In her data ne haragudj and ne haragudjon were far more common than bocsáss meg and bocsásson meg. She also noticed what the words actually ask. Most of the time, she writes, Hungarians are not asking to be forgiven. They are asking the other person to stop being angry with them.

Szili reads her data as showing when ne haragudj is preferred. You want to apologize clearly, to keep the relationship smooth, but the mistake does not call for a great loss of face. It was the top choice when the speaker had forgotten a promise to check the homework of a secondary-school pupil next door. She suggests bocsáss meg is probably the heavier form, one that asks for deeper humility. That would explain why it was rare in her situations, none of which joined a very close relationship with a serious offence.

Both are command forms, so they change with the person you address. The imperative page gives the full pattern.

Like English "sorry, but", both also soften a protest. Wiktionary gives Bocsáss meg, de ezt nem értem ("I'm sorry but I don't understand this") and Bocsásson meg, hogy félbeszakítom ("Forgive me for interrupting you"). Szili found the same move in her data: Ne haragudj, de az igazat mondtam ("Sorry, but I told the truth").

Bocsánatot kérek and elnézést kérek

Adding kérek, "I ask for", turns the noun into a full sentence. Bocsánatot kérek is "I apologize", and elnézést kérek is its formal partner. The verb is kér because you are asking for something to be given, not asking a question. The kér or kérdez page explains that split.

The long forms follow the same rule as the short ones. In Szili's data elnézést kérek was typical of the waiter and the interview, and bocsánatot kérek of closer relationships. She also notes why this group became the most general, conventional way to apologize in Hungarian. With it, she writes, we meet social rules far more than we express sincere regret. So Elnézést kérek is correct and polite, but it is not the warmest thing you can say.

Sajnálom: regret, and a change between generations

Sajnálom is closest to English "I'm sorry" in form, and that is the trap. It means "I regret it". Wiktionary's examples are Sajnálom, hogy nem tudtunk találkozni ("I'm sorry we could not meet") and Sajnálom, hogy megbántottalak ("I am sorry for offending you").

Waseda's survey found the difference is mainly one of generation. Older speakers use sajnálom only when they feel the fault is not theirs. An example is being late because of a train accident. Many younger respondents also use it when they are at fault, for example when they are late because they overslept. Younger respondents also found it acceptable from a waiter who has no free table, or who spills water on a guest. One respondent, a 34-year-old waiter, would by no means use it in such a situation.

Where does the newer use come from? Many people think, Waseda reports, with István Tótfalusi (1998) as one example, that it comes from the dubbing of English-language films: a slavish translation of "I'm sorry". Waseda adds that it may also be a natural change, since many languages use words of regret to apologize. The safe course for a learner follows the older usage. Use sajnálom for bad news you did not cause, and one of the forms above for your own mistakes.

Szili's data show how small its role is. Hungarians in her study used regret much less often than the German speakers in a comparable study. It was always the smallest of the three groups of direct formulas. Its highest share came when the speaker had scratched a stranger's new car: 38.6 percent of the formulas there.

Condolences

Wiktionary gives sajnálom as the Hungarian for "I'm sorry" in the sense of "I feel bad for you". When someone has died, the set phrase is Fogadja őszinte részvétemet, literally "Accept my sincere condolences", which Wiktionary translates as "I'm so sorry for your loss". Fogadja is the Ön command of fogad, "to accept". To someone you call te, it becomes Fogadd őszinte részvétemet. Bocsánat and elnézést do not belong here at all: they ask pardon for something you did.

When you did not hear

For "Sorry?" meaning "say that again", Wiktionary gives Tessék?, with a rising voice, and Elnézést, nem értem ("Sorry, I don't understand"). The many jobs of tessék are on the formal and informal "you" page.

The closer you are, the fewer formulas you use

Szili's most striking finding concerns how often people use a direct formula at all. The figure below is the share of answers in each situation that contained one. Answers without one relied on other moves, such as an excuse or an offer to fix things, or left the apology out.

The two late situations are the cleanest comparison, since only the relationship changes. With the future boss, 93.63 percent used a formula. Between friends, the formulas fell by about 30 percent, to 65.52. Szili sums it up this way. When the harm is small or medium, speakers feel less bound to use a direct formula with someone close to them. When they do more serious harm, they make bigger gestures, as the vase shows. Social factors are not the only thing at work.

The same study shows two more Hungarian habits worth knowing. First, the respondents very rarely said az én hibám, "it's my fault". In the situation of the friend kept waiting, where speakers of other languages often said it, Szili found no case at all. Hungarians preferred to admit a shortcoming, such as elfelejtettem ("I forgot") or fáradt voltam ("I was tired"). Second, they explained much more often, above all when late, and usually blamed the traffic. They also very often offered to make things right. So a natural Hungarian apology is often a formula, a reason and an offer: Ne haragudj, de teljesen kiment a fejemből, holnapra megcsinálom. Jó? ("Sorry, it went right out of my head, I'll do it by tomorrow. OK?")

Thanks, not sorry, for a favour

Waseda's paper compares Hungarian with Japanese. In Japanese, sumimasen serves as an apology and also as thanks for a favour. Her two examples: a passenger on the bus picks up the pen you dropped, or the driver waits for you as you run for the bus. A Japanese speaker would say sumimasen. A Hungarian says Köszönöm, and, in Waseda's words, would by no means use Elnézést in such a case. In Hungarian, you thank for a kindness and apologize for a harm, such as stepping on someone's foot.

So keep the two apart. The reply to Köszönöm, by the way, is Szívesen, and for food or drink it is Egészségedre, as the egészségedre page explains. The reply to an apology, per the HungarianPod101 lesson, is Semmi baj, "no problem".

What this page does not cover

The rules here come from two questionnaire studies and from dictionaries. A questionnaire records what people write they would say, not what they say in the moment. Szili's respondents were 120 university students, and Waseda describes the sample only as older and younger respondents, so neither stands for every Hungarian speaker or region. The studies describe tendencies, not laws. Szili herself writes that the strategies cannot be forced into very strict rules of use. So the forms here are the usual choice, not the only correct one. This page also does not cover serious apologies: in writing, at work after a real failure, or in a legal or official setting. There, the wording is shaped by more than the words on this page. Where you are unsure whether to use te or Ön, start with the who to address how section.

Common learner errors

1. Saying Sajnálom for every "sorry". To many older speakers it means you regret something that was not your fault. For your own mistake, say Elnézést, Bocsánat or Ne haragudj.
2. Choosing bocsánat because the mistake is big. Choose by the person. For a big mistake, add nagyon sajnálom and an offer to fix it.
3. Saying Bocs to a stranger or a boss. It is colloquial. Keep it for people you call te.
4. Saying Ne haragudj to someone you call Ön. The formal command is Ne haragudjon. The same goes for bocsáss meg and bocsásson meg.
5. Apologizing for a favour. If someone waited for you or picked something up for you, say Köszönöm.
6. Using kérdez. You ask for pardon with kér: bocsánatot kérek, never *bocsánatot kérdezek.

More slips of this kind are collected on the common mistakes page.

Sources and further reading

• Szili Katalin, "Elnézést, bocsánat, bocs... (A bocsánatkérés pragmatikája a magyar nyelvben)", Magyar Nyelvőr 127 (3), 2003: questionnaire of 120 university students, the groups of apology strategies, the share of direct formulas by situation (Table 2), which forms suit which relationships, and the typical answer for each situation
• Waseda Mika, "Bocsánatkérés, visszautasítás és köszönetmondás a magyar és a japán nyelvben", Hungarológiai Évkönyv 21, 2020: section 2 on sajnálom, elnézést, bocsánat and ne haragudj by relationship and generation, with the view attributed to Tótfalusi (1998); section 3 on thanks versus apology
• HungarianPod101, "Survival Phrases #10: Apologies": elnézést on the tram and before a question, bocs among friends, semmi baj
• Wiktionary, "bocsánat", "elnézést", "elnéz", "bocs", "bocsi", "megbocsát", "haragszik", "sajnál", "sajnálom" and "részvét" (Hungarian), and the Hungarian translations at "sorry", "excuse me" and "I'm sorry"

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